they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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