Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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