11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
