the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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