that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
