so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
