He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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