You're so nebulous sometimes
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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