I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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