So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
