they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
