R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
