think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
