Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
