So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
