if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
