i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
its liver damage thursday
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
