True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
