She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The uberlube is also flammable
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
