did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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