I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
