Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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