Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
