Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he thought i was a dude.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
