the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
