What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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