So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
