i need an iv and a liver transplant
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
