new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
