it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
