umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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