If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Michael Bay diarrhea
honey bunches of taint.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
