My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
