i think my mom watched the whole time
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
