I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
