Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
