I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
