Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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