and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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