So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
