My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
