omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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