Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
