just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
