just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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