i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
