she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
