she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
