first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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