end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
