You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
