are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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