you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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