how can u be prego again
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You left your phone here
Wait...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
