tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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