he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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