Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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