I just pynch a tree in the face
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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