I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
