What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
