Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
